PARENT'S RIGHTS
OVER CHILDREN
&
RIGHTS OF OTHER
RELATIVES
by Shaikh Musa Ibrahim Menk
The Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallamhas laid stress on
the rights of parents and duties of children, in the same way as he has
stressed the rights of children and the duties of parents.
To be obedient to parents and to show kindness to them has been
enjoined along with the Oneness and Worship of Allah (The One & Only God),
in the Holy Quran, in such a manner that it appears that among human deeds, to
obey parents and treat them with respect and kindness is next only to Divine
Worship.
The Quran says, in Sura Bani Israail: "Your Lord (The Creator) has
ordained that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to the
parents."
Parents Are the Heaven
and Hell of the Children
In a hadeeth the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam has
said that the parents of a person are his Heaven or Hell.
This shows that if a person obeys his parents and attends to their needs and
comforts and keeps them happy, he will attain Paradise. On the other
hand, if he is rude and disobedient to them and offends them by ignoring their
feelings or by causing them grief in any other way, his place shall be in Hell.
Pleasing the Parents
Causes Allah's Pleasure
Anyone who seeks to please Allah (The One God) should earn the
good pleasure of his parents. To keep the parents well pleased is
essential since their anger and displeasure will lead to Allah's anger
and displeasure. The Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam has said
"In the good pleasure of the father lies the good pleasure of the Creator
and in his displeasure, lies the displeasure of the Creator."
Here the mother has not been mentioned, but, according to many other ahadeeth,
the right of the mother with regard to service and kind treatment is even
higher than that of the father. Therefore, her pleasure or displeasure
will carry an equal significance.
Curse For Not Looking
After Aged Parents.
The time that the parents need to be looked after most carefully
is in their old-age, and to serve them devotedly in that state is most pleasing
to Allah (The One & Only God) and it is an easy way to attain Paradise.
Abu Hurairah (R.A.) relates that the Holy Prophet Sallallahu
Alayhi Wasallam said "May he be disgraced, may, he be disgraced, may he be
disgraced." "Who?" The Sahaaba enquired. "The
person whose parents, or any one of them, attain old-age during his life-time
and he does not earn Paradise (by being kind-hearted and dutiful to
them)!"
Therefore, anyone who gets an opportunity to serve his parents
in their old-age and does not avail himself to it (to attain Paradise),
undoubtedly, he is a most wretched person.
Serving the Parents Is
Preferable to Jihaad
When the parents of a person are in need of his help and
attention, then it is preferable for him to serve them than to go to Jihaad.
A person once came to the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam and said that
he wanted to participate in the Jihaad. The Prophet asked him "Are
your parents alive?" "Yes, they are alive" he replied. The
Prophet said. "Then strive in their service and assist them at the
time of their need. (This is your Jihaad.)"
Commentary: Perhaps, there was reason for the Holy Prophet
Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam to believe that the parents of the person concerned
were in need for help and attention, that is why he told him to go and
take care of them, because in these circumstances service to the parents was
more important.
However, it must not be misunderstood that anyone whose parents are alive
should not take part in Jihaad, and that only those whose parents have
died. should do so. In fact, the parents of many of the Sahaba who took
part in Jihaad, were living.
The Mother's Claim Is
Greater
Abu Hurairah (R.A.) narrates that a person asked the Holy Prophet
Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam "Who has the greatest claim on me with regard
to service and kind treatment?" The Prophet replied, "Your mother, and
again your mother, and once again your mother. After her, is the claim of
your father, then that of your near relations, and then of the relations
next to them." This, obviously, shows that where care and kind treatment
are concerned, the claim of the mother is greater than that of the father.
It appears to be the same in the Qur'an too. In many
instances, the pain and the suffering which the mother has to bear during
pregnancy, at childbirth, and in the bringing-up of the children, has been
mentioned along with the emphasis of expressing kindness to parents.
Paradise Lies At the
Mother's Feet
In one hadeeth the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam has
clearly stated that a person's Paradise lies at his mother's feet. By
serving her well and being obedient to her, one can attain Paradise.
In some other ahadeeth the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi
Wasallam has explained that serving the mother, the maternal aunt and maternal
grandmother, are among the acts by whose piousness, even the repentance of a
great sinner and evil-doer is accepted and he is forgiven.
Treatment Towards
Polytheist Parents
If anyone's parents are polytheists, and they want him to follow
their faith, he should refuse, but he should continue to be kind and respectful
to them.
Asma bint Abu Bakr (R.A.) relates that her mother had come to
Madinah, from Makkah, to meet her. Her mother followed the Pagan customs
and beliefs, so Asma (R.A.) enquired from the Holy Prophet Sallallahu
Alayhi Wasallam as how she was to treat her whether she should have nothing to
do with her, as she was a Pagan, or treat her like a daughter should, and show
kindness to her. The Prophet told her to be kind and considerate and to
behave towards her as was a mother’s due, from a daughter.
Parents' Rights After
Their Death
The rights of parents do not come to an end with their
death. In fact, some of their rights take effect after their death, and
it is a religious obligation for the children to fulfill them.
As explained before, obeying one's parents and treating them with respect and
affection is great virtue - and atones for one's sins.
Similarly, to ask Allah (The One & Only God) to have mercy on them after
their death, is an act which brings comfort to them in their graves and serves
to atone for one's sins.
After the death of one's parents among other duties, should be to pray for
their forgiveness and treat their relatives and friends with due respect.
Abu Usaid Sa'idi (R.A.) relates that a person came to the Holy Prophet Sallallahu
Alayhi Wasallam and asked him "O Prophet of Allah, are there some rights
of my parents, on me, which I have to fulfill even after they have died?"
"Yes" the Prophet replied, "These are to pray for mercy and
forgiveness on their behalf, to fulfill the promises they have made to anyone,
to pay due regard to the bonds of relationship from their side and to be
respectful to their friends.
In the Holy Quran, Muslims have been urged to pray for the
salvation of their parents as shown in the verse. And say, "Mv Lord.
Have mercy on both of them, as they cared for me when I was little."
Advantages of
Obedience to Parents
The real reward for serving the parents, with great attention,
is Paradise and the pleasure of Allah (The One God). But the Almighty
bestows a special favour, in this world too, on the believer who fulfills the
parents' rights devotedly.
Jabir (R.A.) reports that the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi
Wasallam said "Allah prolongs the life of a person who obeys his parents
and serves them devotedly." In another hadeeth, the Prophet Sallallahu
Alayhi Wasallam is reported to have said, "Obey your parents and treat
them with kindness, your children will be kind and obedient to you.
Great Sin For
Disobeying the Parents
Just as the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam declared,
that serving ones parents well is an act of great virtue, he condemned the showing of
disobedience to them, or harming them, as a most serious and detestable sin.
When asked about the major sins, the Holy Prophet Sallallahu
Alayhi Wasallam replied." To associate anyone with Allah, to disobey the
parents, to kill unlawfully and to give false evidence."
The above-mentioned acts have been condemned as
'Akbarul-Kabaair' ie the most serious of the major sins. The order in
which the Prophet said them, shows that the disregard of parents rights is next,
only, to Polytheism (Shirk) and it is even more serious than murder.
The Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam has said "To
abuse one's parents is also a major sin." He was asked "Can anyone
abuse his parents?" "Yes," the Prophet replied, "If a
person abused someone else's parents and that person, in retaliation, abused
his parents, - then it is as though he himself had abused his parents."
We can imagine, from this, what an important place respect for
parents occupies in the moral and social teachings of Islam, and how careful
one should be about it.
RIGHTS OF OTHER
RELATIVES
Besides parents' rights, a great emphasis is also laid on the
rights of other relatives. In Islamic terms, 'Silah-Rahimi' is used to
denote 'good treatment towards the relatives'.
In the Holy Quran, where the Muslims are enjoined to show
kindness to parents, they are also required to treat the other relatives with
love and sympathy and to pay due regard to their rights as well.
As we have seen in a previous hadeeth, the foremost claim on a
person is that of his mother, then of his father, and then grade by grade, of
the other relatives. Therefore through relationship, the relatives'
rights come after that of the parents.
Allah (The One & Only God) has declared, "I am Allah, I
am Ar-Rahman (The Merciful), I have created the bond of kinship and named it
Rahim,-which I have derived from the root of my name of Rahman. Thus,
whoever, shall join it (ie. Rahim), I shall join him, and whoever will break
it, I shall break him."
The Almighty has designed the system of birth in such a way,
that whoever is born, is tied to the bonds of kinship-and these bonds carry
certain claims and rights. Thus, whoever fufills these claims, by being
kind to his relatives and treating them well, Allah will "join him"
i.e. He will make him His own and bestow His favour and mercy on
him. And whosoever will violate these claims, Allah will "break
him" i.e. He will have nothing to do with him.
Fulfilling the Rights
of Relatives
It is related by Anas (R.A.) that the Holy Prophet Sallallahu
Alayhi Wasallam said "Whoever wants an increase in his sustenance and that
the marks of his feet remain for a long time in the world (i.e. to live long) -
he should be kind and helpful to his relatives."
Basically, there are two ways of being kind and considerate to
relatives. One is by giving them monetary assistance, when needed,
and the other is by devoting a part of one's time and energy at their service.
Family quarrels, which generally arise from the disregard of the
relatives' rights, affect a man's health and make it difficult for him to
concentrate in his work. Those who treat their relatives well and are
helpful to them, are free from tensions of this kind and they are happier and
more peaceful.
Violation of
Relatives' Rights
The Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam has said
"Whoever violates the rights of relatives, shall not go to Paradise."
Commentary:- This hadeeth, alone, should be enough to make us
realise the importance of 'Silah-Rahimi' . It shows that the violation of
the relatives' rights is so detested by Allah (The One God), that with its
filthiness, no one can enter Paradise. It is only when a person
(believer) has received his punishment or has been forgiven, that the gates of
Paradise will be opened for him.
Showing Kindness to
Those Who Severe Relations
Often, there are people who care little for the bonds of
relationship and are rude and unjust in this respect. Holy Prophet Sallallahu
Alayhi Wasallam has enjoined to continue to treat them well and fufil the
obligations, irrespective of what they do and how they behave.
Abdullah ibn Umar(R.A.) relates from the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.),
"He does not fulfill the claim of Silah-Rahimi who shows no kindness in
return for the kindness shown to him.. The person who really fulfills the claim
is he who treats his relatives well even when they are mean and unjust to him.
When the violation of the rights of relatives is returned in a
similar manner, the evil will spread in the society -- while if it
is returned
with kindness, it may lead to their correction and it will assist in the
promotion of Silah-Rahimi, in the life of the community.
